To Love the Flame
by korosu
Summary: A broken-hearted Tasuki reflects on the death of Nuriko and embarks on his own search for atonement, love, personal closure, and hopefully... his Nuriko.


Doumo, minna-san!

Let's face it. It's not everyday you get to read Nuriko x Tasuki, and the following content may seem so unlikely (bordering on the realm of the impossible). I just think that they look nice together, so I just suddenly woke up this morning and thought, "Hey! Why don't I write a Nuriko x Tasuki today? Heck, that's fun!" 

And I'm quite curious, I've been asking some people if Nuriko x Tasuki is considered yaoi, since they're both technically guys. Pray tell me, what do you think?

Please humor me… I like them both so much; to the death. R/R appreciated (like, duh, of course who wouldn't)?

… And yeah, it's one-shot. I don't have the stamina to write a deathly long angst/romantic story. Right now, I have these two hanging stories and I have no idea how and when to end them. 

Lastly, it's only in my dreams that I ever own Fushigi Yuugi or absolutely anything related to it. So please, it belongs to the one and only Watase Yuu. Not me, not ever. But to those who hear my pleas and may actually know how to acquire my Nuriko and Tasuki, please email me. If only I could have those two! Together! ^^

To Love the Flame 

Miaka is still crying. Well, technically she's done shedding tears now. But, I don't know… I still got this intuition that pretty much everyone, not only Miaka, are starting to share his or her own sorrow that you laid upon us just now.

Ha, me? No way, I wouldn't be caught dead bawling my head off over something as… something as real as life can get. I mean, so you died. Big deal. We're in a war here, am I not right? It's about time somebody had gone away. Well, it wouldn't be real war if blood were not shed! It just happened that you were the first to go. And I salute you for your bravery. 

I pry my eyes away from your wake, gone cold already. Whilst one might creep away in fright and disgust from a corpse of a person, I don't blame them. In your case, one might be rapt and spellbound by the beauty encased in the ice whether or not she is living. I, too, long to hold your body to give you warmth, but I opt to distance myself in fear of never letting go.

Our farewell scene should go simple. Most probably like this: "Good bye, my dear friend. I hope you're hopped off to a better place now. We'll see each other again and when we do, maybe I could pull your hair again and tease your femininity off while chasing me around the castle. Hahahaha, sometime again…"

… But, no, unfortunately it's not that easy. Not by a long shot, Nuriko.

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I should be sleeping right now. Instead of sitting here, outside my tent in the damned freezing shadows of the night. What for? You know, I always wait up for you until you come back from wherever you've been. And then when you come back, we'd light up a fire… 

… Share a few laughs… talk about His Majesty while you continuously swoon and drool over him, talk about Miaka and Tamahome, Chichiri, Mitsukake, and Chiriko. Then suddenly I always have to "accidentally" bring up about how ugly or weird or strange I thought you were and we'd spend the rest of the night brawling and bruising each other… and then laugh it off…

Bah, it's useless reliving these memories… when I know that I'll have no one to share them with anymore.

I'll have no one to call scary-face.

I'll have no one to punch around with and pull ears with.

I'll have no one to chase me in a hysterical frenzy around the town and the castle, because I called her a muscular pig-headed cross-dresser who sounds like a big fat whale. 

I'll have no long, purple, dazzling hair to pull around anymore.

No more shoulder to lean on, no more hand to hold tightly, no tiny waist I used to tickle playfully…

… I'll have no one to love secretly; I'll have no one to occupy my mind and dreams with; I'll have no one to look forward to my days with…

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"Tasuki."

…

"Oi, baka! Get up!"

SPLAT.

Somebody kicked my shoulder. Hard.

"Nani wo yareteru no?!"

"… Tasuki-chyaaan~…"

I blinked at the endearing voice. Only one person ever calls me that. And who could that miss that adorable purring voice?

"… Nuriko."

She knelt in front of me and placed both her hands on my cheeks, the frost on my skin seemingly melting away at her warm touch.

"I'm here now. You didn't have to wait out here in the cold…" Nuriko smiled, lighting up her enchanted face. Her purple eyes were entwined with mine. I was held captive.

"… Baka. You know I always wait for you here. You took so long, man-in-woman's-clothes," I snapped at her.

But instead of attempting to kill me for calling her a man again for the umpteenth time, she leaned forward and tilted her head, eyes intently studying me.

"Tasuki-chan, I'm sorry for… leaving Miaka. And I'm also sorry for leaving Tama-chan and everyone else. I'll always watch over all of you. Please tell them that, ne? Also tell Hotohori-sama that I love him with all my heart… onegai, Tasuki?" Nuriko smiled sadly.

I looked away. She might see all the grief and regret I so easily reflect in the mirror of my soul. I could feel her sorrow weighing me down. I wish not to torment her with the labyrinth of my emotions any longer.

"… And, most importantly…" Nuriko looked into my eyes… seeing through me, it seems. "… Thank my good friend Tasuki-chan for being there for me. Tell my Tasuki-chan 'I love you'. Tell him that I love him so much, okay?" Her eyes were dancing.

I smiled back at her. I held her hand. "I love you Nuriko."

She squeezed my hand in return. And she disappeared.

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I woke up. The night's so much colder than usual. 

I sighed in bemusement. I know that I didn't just dream of Nuriko… or maybe it's just that I'm thinking too much of her, that… ah, never mind. 

It's impossible. I know that she's buried somewhere in the icy steppes of Hokkan… peacefully asleep. Undisturbed. How in the world could she have just gotten up… and tell me that? To tell me that… she loved me?

I sighed again, this time in melancholy. Life will never go on for her, and neither should my love for her. I should just let it go.

I should have buried it along with her in her grave, to be eternally encased in those cruel, unforgiving sheets of ice. But at least… I know that it will stay forever there. With her. And she'll know how much I do love her.

I got up and lit a small fire.

I'm going to wait up for her.

Like what I always do.

And maybe, just maybe… Nuriko will return. To us. To me.

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A.N.:

- Gomen, gomen. I perfectly know that this was too overly romantic, sweet, mushy, waffy, sad, not to mention out of character for either Nuriko or Tasuki. Please forgive me. It's my first time to write FY. Forgive me! Kami-sama, onegai!

- Yi-chan, if you're reading this, this is what I absolutely mean. See, when I write sappy stuff, if I don't under-do it, I go totally overboard and give the readers nasty toothaches.

- Lastly, can you guys please r/r this? I'm thinking of doing more FY fics hopefully someday, but not as rough as this. Criticisms and flames welcomed! Doumo arigatou gozaimasu!


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